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How to Talk to Girls and Lizards

New book release

How to Talk to Girls and Lizards. 232 pages of all new, never before published content. Available now.

Gary Wright

Cats Don't Like Change

I’m not sitting next to their special tampon trashcan.

Melissa Peters

I am no longer bound by social norms and will hurt you as much as I can with words.

Mike Campbell

Ten Interview questions

People need to learn to leave their personal lives at the door. This isn't the Kardashians.

Derek Russell

BUY YOUR OWN TELEVISION, DEREK

You're not the boss of GoFundMe campaigns.

justin's floodlight

I can't help it if light goes across the road, close your curtains if it bothers you.

Simon Dempsey

Ten Formal Complaints

This is a waste of company time and money and is unprofessional.

George Lewis

I have read your website and it is obviously that your a foggot.

Pauline Olsen

That's not how it works. If you had a marketing person, they would have explained this to you.

Jane Gilles

Overdue Account

Dear Jane, I do not have any money so I am sending you this drawing of a spider instead.

Hello, I was wondering if you need a good drawer? No? Well thank you for your time.

I'm extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears.

Permission Slip

Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus have a sword fight.

Medical Breakthrough

Breakthrough medical operation brings new hope for Thomas.

simon's pie charts

Please design a logo for me. And some pie charts. For free.

Dear customer, I hope you fall and break your neck.

Despite what the client says, you can never have enough.

There is motion at your front door.

bring your pet to work day

David and his best friends spend a day at the office.

mowing the mishler way

When I'm riding my mower, I like to pretend I'm on a horse.

Party in Apartment 3

Dear Neighbour, you are not invited to my party.

There's nothing wrong with the current design, it just needs to be a bit more branded.

You don't get to choose if you do your timesheets or not. You're not special.

Carol Brady's Haircut

Rumour that Thomas takes a photo of Carol Brady to the hairdresser proven unfounded.

opinions are like nipples

It's my most fervent opinion that you need to find a highly skilled psychiatrist post-haste.

That looks like a dog with a blanket on it. I'm not sending an officer out for that.

People like bowls. Especially wide shallow ones. For fruit. Or keys and sunglasses.

Hello, my name is Shannon and I eat oranges like a snake.

flash drive infringement

Without a concise set of rules to follow, we would all probably have to resort to common sense.

Please Dress Appropriately

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, tomorrow is Eskimo Day at school.

Ducks in the bathroom

Strata rules exist for the benefit and well-being of all residents.

one girl, twelve cups

Shannon's Colour Coded Coffee Cup Cleaning Chart

That's not arguing, that's just you being a dickhead.

shopping with simon

Hello, my name is Simon and I love IKEA so much I want to marry it.

Foul language isn't clever, it just displays a limited vocabulary.

Photography Tips with Thomas

Hello, my name is Thomas and I bought a digital SLR camera.

Simon's good ideas for websites

Hello, my name is Simon and I have lots of good ideas for websites.

Robert Schaefer

Being able to draw and dressing like women doesn't make you special.

Give the gift of music

I hope you sank a lot of money into this and starve to death.

Robert Lawson

Which photo of your wife holding a slice of cantaloupe would you suggest for the cover?

Statements my offspring has made that make me wonder if there was a mixup in the hospital.

kaleth the adelaide gothic

Once, when I was a bat, I flew to my friend's house and tapped on his window.

twenty minutes on chatroulette

I'm not sure what I was expecting but it wasn't so many penises.

I wish i had a monkey

Not like the monkey in the photo though, I'd want a clean one.

There were a lot more articles the last time I visited this site. Where's the one about frogs?

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