Statements my offspring has made that make me wonder if there was a mixup in the hospital.

Sometimes I can't work out my offspring. One moment he will state something that catches me off guard with its clarity, then come out with something that makes me wonder if there was a mixup in the hospital and his real parents are siblings of siblings.

I was called into his school to speak with the teacher recently. Her explanation of why Seb had received three detentions in one week made me laugh, which wasn't the reaction she expected.

Detention 1

Raised his hand during math class and asked if Kate (a large girl in his class) didn't eat for five weeks, would she get skinny or die?

Detention 2

Told a classmate, "I heard the teachers saying that your parents died and you are going to have to live at school."

Detention 3

While the principal was explaining the 'no nut policy' during school assembly, Seb yelled, "That's a lot of nuts!" after watching the movie Kung Pow the night before.

Also, in the photo of Seb above, we're not at the beach or a swimming pool; he wore this to the cinema to see Finding Nemo.


"If I had a million dollars I'd buy a house with big robot legs.".

Our car

"We should paint flames on the side. Girls like cars with flames on the side. You'll never get a girlfriend in a car that looks like this."

DVD rental prices

"It makes no sense, this one is four dollars for a whole week and this one is six dollars for one night. It's backwards. Someone should tell them."

Free yoghurt sample lady

"She was nice, you should ask her to be your girlfriend before someone else does."

Our furniture

"We should sell everything we own and use the money to buy something nice instead."

On being told his room looks like a brothel

"What's a brothel? Is it a kind of soup?"

School uniform

"Don't blame me, I don't want a black leather jacket but we have to do what the school says."

Substitute teacher

"My normal teacher has Aunt Jemima." (emphysemia)

On being asked by a lady in an elevator what he wants to be when he grows up

"Either a model or a police sniper."

Christmas pants

"I’ve never even heard of Corduroy. I hope you kept the receipt."


"You can't trust girls. When I get a girlfriend I'm not going to tell her where I live or work."

Supermarket aisles

"If they made the aisles wider we could drive our car in and grab things through the window and pay on the way out like at McDonalds."


"You should always go swimming with a fat girl because sharks will go for them first."

Cleaning the apartment

"It will just get messy again. I like it like this, it shows we have better things to do than cleaning."


"You should never wash your hands because then you will have more germs than everything else and other germs will just think 'What's the point?'"


"I don't understand why I have to go to school at all, the Internet knows more than all the teachers there put together."


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