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I blame our office manager Melissa for Robert's commission. She was the one who said, “I know someone” when the photographer we usually work with was unavailable.
Afterwards, she stated, “Well I don’t ‘know him', know him, he took the photos at my sister’s wedding. They weren’t very good though. I think he used an iPhone 5.”
Also, during our intial meeting with Robert, he excused himself to use the bathroom and didn't come back for twenty minutes. I assume he took a dump. I realise that hasn't got anything to do with his photography skills, I just thought it was odd. Who takes a twenty minute dump in the middle of a meeting? On his return, he didn't even apologise for taking so long, he just said, "Mmmm. I like the smell of your handwash. Is that cucumber and mint?"
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 14 October 2015 10.55am
To: Robert Lawson
Subject: Patio photos
Hello Robert,
We received the flash drives this morning, thank you for couriering them to us so quickly.
I had Jodie copy the images over and we are both a little confused. Are these placeholder images? If so, when can we expect final photos? In order to meet deadline, we require final photos by this Friday to have client approval before next Tuesday when the printers are expecting artwork.
Regards, David
From: Robert Lawson
Date: Wednesday 14 October 2015 11.19am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Patio photos
They are the final photos.
Rob
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 14 October 2015 11.33am
To: Robert Lawson
Subject: Re: Re: Patio photos
Hello Robert,
Thank you for getting back to me so promptly. I checked the proposal and it states the $3200 covers the “commission and delivery of professionally staged photographs.”
The brief called for photos of a family enjoying year-round use of their patio - barbecuing, having a party, that kind of thing. The promotional material we are designing for the client is intended to be aspirational.
Twenty-eight snapshots of an overweight woman sitting in a chair provides little aspiration - unless it’s to have diabetes and what appears to be deep vein thrombosis.
Regards, David
From: Robert Lawson
Date: Wednesday 14 October 2015 11.58am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Patio photos
Those are the only photos I have. They were taken on a new Nikon D5500 which is 24.2 megapixel. You can’t get any higher resolution than that.
Rob
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 14 October 2015 12.17pm
To: Robert Lawson
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Patio photos
Robert,
I’m not questioning the resolution. Being able to zoom in on an image while retaining sharp detail is hardly a bonus in this instance though. The model chosen looks like she is waiting at a bus stop on her way to spend Kohl’s Cash. Possibly on another pair of brown polyester slacks.
Which photo would you suggest for the cover? The one of her raising her thumb or the one of her holding a slice of cantaloupe? Of the twenty-six remaining photos, seventeen show her sitting cross legged pointing at things and the other nine are blurry.
It was indicated in the first meeting that the price for photography included talent and props for the day, i.e. four adults, three children, cake, sparklers, food and wine. I don’t recall ‘grabbing Nan and sticking her outside by herself with a slice of cantaloupe’ being discussed as a possible alternative.
What exactly did the $3200 cover?
Regards, David
From: Robert Lawson
Date: Wednesday 14 October 2015 12.41pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Patio photos
The $3200 covered camera equipment and my time and I don’t appreciate you insulting my wife. People who are in their 50s build patios and most people just relax on their patios not have parties. It’s about the patio.
The other people I asked to be there on the day had to take their dog to the vet to be put down and I didn’t have time to organize anyone else. If you want me to take more photos I can but I won’t be able to get them to you by Friday.
Rob
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 14 October 2015 1.12pm
To: Robert Lawson
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Patio photos
Hello Robert,
Thank you for the offer but we won’t be requiring more photographs of your wife, with or without additional sad family friends. We will, however, keep you in mind should we ever find ourselves commissioned to design brochures titled Locating Backyard Items or Healthy Alfresco Snacks for the Lonely.
As the $3200 agreed to was for the commission and delivery of professionally staged photographs, not to buy Robert a nice camera, I have notified the accounts department that we will not be paying that portion of your invoice. We have, however, agreed to pay your $280 charge for ‘burning’ twenty-eight images to twenty-eight 128MB flash drives. Mainly because nobody knew quite how to react to the situation and Kevin in accounting said he could use the drives to send electronic Christmas cards to his friends and relatives this year.
Regards, David
From: Robert Lawson
Date: Wednesday 14 October 2015 1.26pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Patio photos
You have to pay the invoice in full for the amount agreed on. I’m out $2900 on the camera equipment alone plus travel and meetings. You don’t just get to say whether you pay or not after I’ve done the work.
Rob
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 14 October 2015 1.52pm
To: Robert Lawson
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Patio photos
Hello Robert,
You were present during the meeting in which we discussed project requirements. At no point during that meeting did you put your hand up and ask, “How set on the whole ‘family enjoying the benefits of year-round outdoor living’ thing are you? I had more of a ‘tuck-shop lady giving directions and handling fruit’ approach in mind.”
The fact your fee covered the purchase price of equipment to fulfill the commission isn’t reason to pay that fee but it does explain a lot. Is this your first camera?
Based on your business model, I’m considering opening my own surgery. I have no formal training in the field of medicine but if I order a stack of business cards with ‘David Thorne, Professional Surgeon’ printed on them and charge my first patient for a set of robes and a decent scalpel, I should be good to go. If questioned over fees after being admitted for an appendectomy and leaving with a pamphlet on toe fungus, I’ll simply explain to them the ‘out of pocket system’ of business startup.
We've arranged for a capable photographer to redo the shoot on short notice. Project costs allocated to the commission and delivery of professionally staged photographs are therefore covered. We will not be paying your invoice, recommending you to anyone, or listening to Melissa ever again when she says she “knows someone.”
Regards, David
From: Robert Lawson
Date: Wednesday 14 October 2015 2.18pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Patio photos
If I haven’t received full payment within 14 days, I’ll be taking legal action.
Rob
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 14 October 2015 2.29pm
To: Robert Lawson
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Patio photos
Hello Robert,
If you need someone to represent you in court, let me know. I have a friend who could do with the cash. He makes very little as a Subway Sandwich Artist so I’m sure, if he can organize a briefcase and get someone to take his shift, he’d be happy to show up on the day and give it a go.
Regards, David
From: Robert Lawson
Date: Wednesday 14 October 2015 3.04pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Patio photos
See you in court.
