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The agency I work for lost our HR manager, Jennifer, to Covid last year. Mike, our creative director, and Jennifer were close; it took him six months to even consider refilling the role, and another four months to write the job description.
It shouldn’t take four months to write a job description, regardless of how much you don’t want to write it. I don’t particularly want to do anything but there’s only so long I can stretch doing nothing out for. There’s a fine line between, “David hasn’t finished that yet?” and “Does David still work here?”
I understand Mike is sad about replacing Jennifer, but we all have to do things that make us sad. My partner Holly asks me to do things that make me sad all the time; like taking the dogs for a walk or giving her a foot rub. Do I complain about it? Sure, but do I do it anyway? No, but I pay my taxes.
We held the first round of interviews for Jennifer's replacement last week and, despite many of the candidates being highly qualified, Mike found fault with each and every one. Some of his criticisms have been valid - one candidate ate a bag of chips during the interview - but most have been a bit of a stretch.
Here's just twelve of Mike’s post-interview statements on why the applicant wouldn’t be a ‘good fit’ for the agency...
“She breeds koi. You know what fish people are like.”
“Her jacket was pilling, you didn’t notice? If she can’t be bothered using a lint remover, I can’t be bothered giving her a second interview.”
“Her tongue was very pointy.”
“She was just a bit overenthusiastic. We have enough overenthusiastic people here.”
“Who drinks that much water during an interview? Did she come from a desert? You can strike lizard lady off the list.”
“She looked a bit windswept.”
“You didn’t think her pants were too baggy? They were like those pants some people wear for yoga. We don’t want yoga people here, they think they’re better than everyone else just because they have good balance.”
“She didn’t say a word about my tie.”
“I don't have a problem with a HR manager being male, I have a problem with people who nod that much. This isn’t a pantomime.”
“There’s no way I could look at that thin hair every day.”
“Her voice was very deep.”
“I just felt like punching her every time she said the word ‘flexibility’.”
