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Disclaimer
This website contains material for my amusement only. You are not granted permission to access the information on this site and if you choose to do so by viewing any of the articles either through this page or from an external link, you agree to waive all rights. This site may contain personal misinformation. Activities and vehicle modifications appearing or described on this site may be potentially dangerous. Unless the word sheep has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this disclaimer, it does not have any purpose and may be ignored.
Copyright © David Thorne 2010 All rights reserved.
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After hiding all evidence and opening the windows to air out the smell of burnt hair and cooked flesh, I buried Sooty in the backyard.
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I opened the door and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me.
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I quite like Simon, he is like the school teacher that would pull you aside after class and list every bad aspect of your personality while you nod and pretend to listen.
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A few weeks ago, a guy moved into the apartment across from me. I know little about him apart from the fact that he owns cane furniture.
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Although an advocate of people being entitled to their beliefs, I seem to have developed some form of mental glitch that makes me want to punch Daryl's fat head.
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One moment he will state something that catches me off guard with its clarity, then the next something that causes me to think he may be mentally handicapped.
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Dear Jane, I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust this settles the matter.
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Hello, my name is Simon and I love IKEA so much, I want to marry it. Can you believe the prices on glass tea light holders?
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I cannot have pets in my apartment due to the Strata agreement and the fact that they would need to be taken for walks every day. And I am too lazy for that.
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This list omits Jetski monkey, Boiling water monkey and Battlestar Galactica Monkey but covers the basic best kinds of monkeys.
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I am not a great fan of rental property inspections but they are preferrable to rental property inspections without warning.
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Writing rubbish on the internet amuses me. There is often a limit of 1000 characters per post so every story has to be within a small paragraph.
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I do not get on all that well with my son's teacher. Ever since the day she gave him a brochure explaining the real meaning of Easter, I have had my eye on her.
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I wrote a stupid post a while back regarding the television host 'Rove' and his dead girlfriend. Asking why no-one mentions his dead girlfriend.
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For every ten video connections, eight were fat men playing with their penis. It was possibly the most pointless website I have ever been on.
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I find it annoying to pay late fees on movies and I am too lazy to return them on time which leaves simply complaining about it.
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Hello, my name is Simon and I have compiled a list of my good ideas for websites that would definitely make lots of money. Do not copy these ideas.
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I sent an email to a friend recently, asking several different questions, and he replied with the single answer "Yes, probably."
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As I am constantly told I am too skinny, last year I paid four hundred and twenty dollars to join a gym. I attended twice.
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Considered by some as a game and others as a terrifying act of exercising by choice, tennis involves fun things to do with racquets and balls.
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Michael the Police Officer has kindly pointed out that it is a criminal offence to solicit money with the intent to purchase drugs and sell them at a profit.
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Your invitation to participate in an exciting investment opportunity that promises guaranteed returns in a ready market.
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If you have a box and you want it to go somewhere, I will come and get it and take it there instead of you having to do it yourself.
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Only in a backwards town like Adelaide would you get dickheads who would write crap like you. You cant even write well. Little dick typical male.
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Local captain of most teams, including the Lucius Thaller fan club, is safe after his 'safari to riches' became a living nightmare.
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Due to there being an unprecedented twelve coffee cups in the sink, Shannon is outraged by this intrusion on her looking out the window time.
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It seems I may have inadvertently indicated in a previous post that the purchase of a certain T-shirt comes with a free Lifesize Lucius™ doll.
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Lesley is the adventurous outdoors type with a love of watersports and everything outdoors, including Wasps, fuse boxes and pedestrian crossings.
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I have been writing a blog for just over eight years. It is a great blog and contains the wittiest stuff on the internet. I have had over five hits.
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Hello, my name is Bill and this is my guide to the internet. Basically, everything on the internet is rubbish but I will try to pinpoint the main areas to avoid.
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Flight Commander Thorne has been a part of three successful space missions including the recent delivery of new flannels to the international Space Station.
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The problem is that when people visit Monarto Zoo, they come back and tell people that there are no animals there.
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For a reasonable admission fee of around twenty dollars, families can walk through a swamp along a looping boardwalk. Not all the way of course.
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I have been lost thirty six times which makes me an expert. Once when I was lost in the desert, I absorbed moisture from the air through my skin like a frog.
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I filled out the company's online contact form by listing my household furniture and asking what they would give me for it as trade in on a motorcycle.
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I own a Teac television because they are the best. It was ninety dollars but I talked them down to seventy five and got two VHS video's with it.
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Hello sir, my name is Jason and I was wondering if your company would be interested in a good drawer? No? Thankyou for your time.
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Like those fish that live under sharks or those birds that clean alligator teeth, my headlice serve a double role of cleaning my scalp and keeping me company.
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Hello, my name is Jason and I scan fine art. People often ask me about the best techniques for scanning fine art so I have compiled this guide.
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He stinks and ate a rat with maggots today.
How would you like it?
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It was widely considered that Thomas's head, if allowed to expand further, would develop its own gravitational field affecting planetary rotation.
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I am available and looking for that special woman. She has to enjoy never leaving the house, cleaning me with a damp cloth and the beauty of a baby's smile.
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I wish I was a dolphin. If I was a dolphin I would swim alongside boats and jump out of the water to the awe of the spectators and they would feed me fish.
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I own a MacBook Pro. It's ok if you don't own a MacBook Pro because MacBook Pro's are only for creative people.
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I'm reminded of the present you gave me on my last birthday - the $6.95 (price tag still attached) book entitled Graphic Design for Beginners.
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The closed circuit television camera concealed in the front foyer records the hectic pace of a normal day in a busy design studio
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My best friend Aaron has great tattoos. I was going to get a tattoo but wasn't sure which of my designs was the best. They were all so great.
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Due to there being no petty cash left, Shannon is now the sole key holder of the petty cash tin, ensuring she never misses out on her lunch again.
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I has been rumoured that Thomas takes a photo of Carol Brady to the hairdresser but as this evidence shows, the two haircuts have major differences.
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Due to an extendable jaw and high acidic saliva levels, I have found that consuming an orange whole and digesting it over many hours requires no effort at all.
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I have always wanted a tattoo but also considered people who get tattoos as sheep. As such, there was only one choice of tattoo to be permanently branded with.
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There is no need for even a basic photography course because once you buy a digital camera you will be a professional photographer like me.
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I am a vampire and a creature of the night which is why my friends and I stand in the middle of the Mall during the day discussing bats and being misunderstood.
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We would take a frog and insert one of those thin fruit box straws into its anus and blow it up like a balloon. Sometimes the frogs would burst.
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My bicycle is worth more than your car and it is made from a titanium alloy such as NASA uses on the space shuttle and has Shimano gears which are the best.
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In the tradition of Catch 22 and chicken or the egg, Lillian will have to use her mouse to access any emails warning her 'not to use her mouse'.
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Thanks go to Lucius for providing this image. While in a bad mood with Thomas, he downloaded, printed and added the voice bubble in just four hours of work time.
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I first heard this song while doing 160kph in a stolen Mercedes down a dark highway on a dark and rainy night. Which would be sort of cool if it were true.
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- Copyright © David Thorne 2010 All rights reserved.
    
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