This is a waste of company time and money and is unprofessional.
Apparently after receiving three complaints, there's meant to be some kind of formal meeting between the parties involved but this never happened. According to the rules, if there are five complaints, an external mediator has to be brought in. This didn't happen either and I was quite disappointed.
I don't really have anything against Simon apart from the fact that he likes the band Nickelback, and I have no idea what his problem with me is as I'm an absolute pleasure to work with. I brought in donuts once which is pretty nice. I found them in a bin and left them on Simon's desk. When he asked, "Who brought these donuts in?" I replied, "The girl from the shop across the road brought them in because they have too many" and watched him eat four, complaining between mouthfuls that they weren't very fresh. He would have eaten them all but stopped after finding a dead cricket in the box.
My very first run in with Simon was when he blamed me for stealing pens from his desk - which I vehemently denied. He then proceeded to point out the tiny words 'Simon's Pen' he had engraved on all eight of the pens currently on my desk. He had to point them out to me with the aid of a loupe. Each two-millimetre high letter was meticulous. When I asked how he had managed to get the letters so perfect, he told me he had a headset at home with a light and magnifying glass on it "For painting collector figurines."
There have actually been twelve formal complaints against me but two of those were complaining that nothing had been done about the previous formal complaints so I didn't bother scanning those in.

Click here to watch me on the roller-coaster.

Click here if you want to see the "man singing".