Statements my offspring has made that make me wonder if there was a mixup in the hospital.
Sometimes I can't work out my offspring. One moment he will state something that catches me off guard with its clarity, then the next come out with something that causes me to think he may be mentally disabled.
I was called into his school to speak with the teacher recently. Her explanation of why Seb had received three detentions in one week made me laugh which is not the reaction she expected.
Detention 1 Raised his hand during math class and asked if Kate (a large girl in his class) didn't eat for five weeks, would she get skinny or die?
Detention 2 Told a classmate, "I heard the teachers saying that your parents died today and you are going to have to live at the school."
Detention 3 While the principal was explaining the 'no nut policy' during school assembly, Seb yelled, "That's a lot of nuts!" after watching the movie Kung Pow the night before.


"If I had a million dollars I'd buy a house with big robot legs."


"We should open up a shop next to that one, buy their coffees, and sell them from our shop for a dollar more."

Our car

"We should paint flames on the side. Girls like cars with flames on the side. You will never get a girlfriend in a car that looks like this."

DVD rental prices

"It makes no sense, this one is four dollars for a whole week and this one is six dollars for one night. It's backwards. Someone should tell them."

Free yoghurt sample lady

"She was nice, you should ask her to be your girlfriend before someone else does."

Our furniture

"We should sell everything we own and use the money to buy something nice instead."

Being told to clean his room

"What's a brothel? Is it a kind of soup?"

School uniform

"Don't blame me, I don't even want a black leather jacket but we have to do what the school says."

Substitute teacher

"My normal teacher has Aunt Jemima." (Turned out it was emphysemia.)

On being asked by a lady in an elevator what he wants to be when he grows up

"Either a model or a police sniper."

Christmas pants

"I’ve never even heard of Corduroy. I hope you kept the receipt."


"You can't trust girls. When I get a girlfriend I'm not going to tell her where I live or work."

On his minibike being stolen

"I hope they're riding it and it blows up and their legs and arms get blown off and when they're in the hospital they think, 'I really wish I hadn't stolen that motorbike'."

Ssupermarket aisles

"If they made the aisles wider we could drive our car in and grab things through the window and pay on the way out like at McDonalds."

Explaining Grand Theft Auto to his grandmother

"I don't shoot everybody, just the drug dealers and hookers."

2001 A Space Odyssey

"This movie is boring. I'd rather be staring at the wall and holding my breath for two hours."

Being told that the park belongs to everybody

"We should build a fence around it and make people pay us two dollars to get in."


"You should always go swimming with a fat girl because sharks will go for them first."


"If we went into a shop and I put a stereo on and danced, you could run out with a different stereo while everyone is looking at me."

Cleaning the apartment

"It will just get messy again. I like it like this, it shows we have better things to do than cleaning."


"If you get married, do you have to let your wife look at your penis?"


"I don't understand why I have to go to school at all, the Internet knows more than all the teachers there put together."

Personalised Plates

"We should get the words 'Bad Boys' on our number plate. That way when people are behind us at the traffic lights, they wont mess with us. If they do, we can just lock the doors."


"You should never wash your hands because then you will have more germs than everything else and other germs will just think 'what's the point?'"