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I'm easily bought so it's surprising I haven't been asked to do more promotions. I probably won't do another one for a while though; it felt similar to how I imagine taking the ten dollar bill poked through a hole in a bathroom wall probably feels. While I'm sure Deborah is great at her job and probably has some kind of certificate in Chat GPT, she was rather demanding; continuing the hole analogy, she'd be the one on the other side of the wall yelling, "More Spit!"
I originally only agreed to do the promotion because it was for an Australian brand. It's not like I was offered cash, just one of the products to keep and nine to give away, but I did think the product would be nicer than it is. Then the "Here's the copy we want you to use" emails started and I became a bit disillusioned with the whole thing. I'm not posting other people's copy. Maybe I should have put more thought into it, spent time researching 'promotion expectations', but I built a fence in our backyard to block our neighbour's view instead. Here's a picture of the fence - I'm fairly sure it breaks several city ordinances but I don't care; our neighbours listen to Sammy Hagar and own a Jacuzzi. Also, they have a bookcase in their living room shaped like a boat.
From: Deborah Shaw
Date: Tuesday 14 May 2024 3.06pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Promotion
Hello David,
Craig has expressed a few concerns about your wording in the promotion. Mainly referring to the Panzera Aquamarine 45D as a Chonky Boy.
I sent you copy, which you agreed to use, but there's more about retrieving socks from the bottom of a pool in your post than details about the watch. There’s no call to action.
To be honest, we're a little disappointed.
Deborah
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 14 May 2024 3.34pm
To: Deborah Shaw
Subject: Re: Promotion
Hello Deborah,
Yes, I get that a lot. I actually forgot about the promotion until the watches arrived and I was more than a little disappointed when I opened the box. Who’s buying watches this thick? Don’t get me wrong, I like the retro look and the dial is easy to read, but it’s like a soup can on a strap.
The thing with marketing is that it’s easy to promote a product you genuinely like, while promotion without conviction takes effort. My coworker Ben once wrote eight lines of copy for an eyebrow thickening cream and needed two weeks off work to recover. We had to order DoorDash for him because he was too weak to use the app.
At no time did I agree to use the copy you provided, I simply thanked you for sending it. The stuff about “moments not minutes” and “exciting experiences and adventures" sounded more like a trip to Six Flags than a wristwatch, and I couldn’t bring myself to use the description "a stylish timepiece that can be worn to impress at the office, a bar after work, or just riding a wave off Bondi beach,” as it's nonsense. I wore the watch to work today and nobody was impressed. Ben described it as “more of a clock than a watch” and Mike, our creative director, demanded I take it off before going into a client meeting as it made me look poor. I haven’t worn it to a bar but it might be handy if a fight breaks out; I could swing it around like a mace. I’ve never surfed, so I can’t comment on the practicality in that situation, but I doubt anyone’s sitting on their board thinking, “Hmm, time for my meeting with Mr Bentley."
Having worn the watch for several hours, I do understand the 'moments not minutes' statement; the watch loses around six minutes each hour and there have been several moments when I questioned the logistics of wearing a watch the size of a saucepan. Usually when walking through doorways. Have you seen those videos of dogs with long sticks in their mouths trying to go through a gate? Eventually the dog works it out and turns its head a bit and you think ‘clever boy’ but then it forgets and bangs into the next gate. Probably because of all the exciting experiences and adventures it has between one gate and the next.
Regards, David
From: Deborah Shaw
Date: Tuesday 14 May 2024 4.16pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Promotion
David,
The watch specifications are clearly listed on the website as 45mm diameter, 13.50mm thickness. The case size reflects the NH35 movement used in that model.
I very much doubt the watch loses 6 minutes per hour. Every watch is tested and certified to the highest levels of accuracy before leaving the workshop. The typical accuracy is within a range of + or – 30 seconds per day.
I don’t understand why you agreed to do the promotion if you didn’t intend to fulfill your end of the agreement. At this point we’d prefer you delete the post and return the watches. I have attached a prepaid shipping label.
Deborah
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 14 May 2024 4.28pm
To: Deborah Shaw
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Promotion
Deborah,
The six minutes was an exaggeration, but how is plus or minus thirty seconds per day the highest level of accuracy? I have a Casio F-91W that keeps better time and I won it in a claw machine at a bowling alley.
I believe I have fulfilled my end of the agreement; I described the product and included a link. I do understand the content didn’t fulfill your expectations though - it's probably how most people feel when they receive their chonky boy box. They’re sold “craftsmanship and timeless elegance” and receive a gas-stove-burner on a strap. Nobody’s opening the box and thinking, “This will impress at the office!” They’re thinking, “Okay, bit bigger than I was expecting, there's no way I’ll get a shirt cuff or jacket sleeve over this, I'll have to remove the watch first or chance being trapped like the time I put on a pair of jeans without removing my sneakers because I thought it would save time."
As the promotion is currently active and people have already entered the giveaway, I won’t be removing the post or returning the watches. Three have already been claimed - technically two as one of the winners asked if he could swap the watch for a t-shirt - and I expect the rest to go over the next few weeks as ordered books arrive. There have only been 87 orders but I‘m not surprised; regardless of copy used, I wasn't expecting anyone to exclaim, “Lordy, I’ve always wanted a Panzera!”
Regards, David
From: Deborah Shaw
Date: Tuesday 14 May 2024 4.41pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Promotion
David,
There will be no further promotions and we are sending you an invoice for the watches.
Deborah
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 14 May 2024 4.45pm
To: Deborah Shaw
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Promotion
Deborah,
I look forward to pretending I never received it.
Regards, David
