Employee of the Month / Simon Dempsey

Well done, Simon. Simon has worked for the agency since 2008 as a potted plant. Popular with the ladies, Simon enjoys knitting leg-warmers for his cats and performing dance extravaganzas for his mother. He is the founding and sole member of The Dempsey Dance Academy and meets once a week to discuss late membership fees. His best friend is a dead bee he found on his windowsill in 2004 which he named Simon.

Simon can speak fluent Simonese, a language he developed using only vowels. He is adept at sewing and owns a Singer Stylist 7258. By using a magnifying glass, Simon has created over three-hundred costumes for his bee ranging from jogging outfits to red carpet attire. Simon's key specialty at the agency is wearing shirts the same color as the walls. He is also an expert at sitting very still.

Before joining the agency, Simon held a variety of positions including stretched out, standing on tippy-toes with his hands on his hips, and crouched. Once, when Simon was young, he saw a horse. Simon has a tattoo on his lower back of musician Kenny Rogers riding a bear and has an extensive working knowledge of the latest technologies including metric and Jenga. His favorite music is his own which he creates on his RCA cassette recorder by humming and clapping. Each Friday night, for the last four years, he has invited his neighbors over to listen. Attendance has been disappointing.

Simon is currently single but one day hopes to marry his mother because of her "good child-bearing hips." In the meantime, Simon is active on several dating sites under the username Mr Bobbity. His last online girlfriend, whom he dated off and on for three years, turned out to be an auto-responder.

On weekends, Simon enjoys thermostat regulation, scratching, making lists of things that are blue, and collecting felt. An active member of the community, Simon can often be seen by his neighbors jumping on a trampoline in his back yard. He hopes to one day be a professional trampoliner and has perfected jumping with his arms held at his side, jumping with his arms outstretched, and jumping freestyle.

Simon's career goals are to multiply 1089 x 9 to get 9801 and to establish a floating city in the Pacific Ocean where he will be king and everyone will have to do what he says.