She’ll be right as rain after her operation next week.
I know an elderly couple named Jack and Carol who have spent twenty-thousand dollars in vet bills for their poodle. The poor thing is about six-hundred in human years, blind and deaf, and both its rear legs have been amputated due to cancer. They bought it one of those little harnesses with wheels on the back so it could get around but it developed arthritis in its front legs so it just stays in one spot now.
I’m honestly not sure what the point of keeping the poodle alive any further is. It’s fed twice a day and carried outside to defecate but apart from that, it just lies on the couch struggling to breathe and smelling like weird warm cheese. Possibly from vomiting every five minutes from the bucket of painkillers it’s on every day.
“What’s the funnel for, Jack?”
“Time for her pills.”
“You don’t think, you know, it might be time?”
“No, plenty of life left in the old gal yet.”
“Where?”
“She’ll be right as rain after her operation next week.”
“Another operation? How many does that make?”
“Eighty-two.”
“What’s this one for?”
“The cancer moved to her front legs. She’s having them removed. And her tongue.”
“Just let the poor thing die, Jack.”
“No.”
I suspect Jack and Carol are going to end up with just the poodle’s head on some kind of apparatus to keep the brain functioning. They’ll argue that she’s ‘part of the family’ and post pictures of the head wearing a Santa hat on their joint Facebook page at Christmas. People will comment, “OMG!! So cute!!!!!!!!!” and, “She’s looking so well!” and Jack and Carol will respond with, “Yes, two more operations to remove her jaw and nose and she’ll be fit as a fiddle. We’ve set up a Gofundme page to cover some of the veterinary costs as we’re $500,000 in arrears and living in our car by a river.”