Toby
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Send David an email or porn (just straight stuff though, I can get all the gay porn i want from lucius).
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David R Thorne      200 kilo turds. |
Toby Shit and Hair Factory |
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Some people regard Toby as incredibly stupid but I think he is possibly the most intelligent animal I have ever met. If I could do nothing but sleep all day and have someone feed me and clean up my shit I would take full advantage of it too.
I quite like dogs, if I was going to have a pet it would be a dog. Not one like Toby though. I pretended to like Toby for his owners sake but everytime I put on a jacket and found it covered in an inch of hair, I would plot ways to kill and bury him in the backyard. Nobody would have found him as noone was brave enough to venture into the backyard due to the 200 kilo dog turds hidden every few feet beneath the knee height grass.
Spot the Difference
  One of these animals weighs 600 kilos, sleeps twenty three hours per day and only moves to eat. The other one is a walrus.
Toby Facts
Each Toby turd weighs upwards of 200 kilos and, once dried, can be hollowed out and used as a garden shed. If Toby was replaced with a stuffed version it would be several weeks before anyone was aware... and only then by the absence of new 200 kilo turds on the lawn. Due to not having the time for hygiene, Toby's aroma has been known to peel veneer. If the hair that Toby sheds in a single day was collected, it would provide enough filling for two hundred and eighty sofa cusions. If an entire week of hair was collected and spun, it would provide enough yarn to knit a beanie that would fit Thomas' head. Below is the amount of hair collected from a single square metre of floor after Toby walked past. 
Tricks that Toby can do:
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A day in the life of Toby: |
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