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“Mr Bandabaloobi told me he was from the Nigerian Bank,” said Lucius, “We first communicated when he sent me an email explaining a rich old guy had died and the Nigerian government was going to keep his ten million dollars unless I wanted it instead.”
"I gave him my account details and purchased a plane ticket to Nigeria. Once I arrived, I was taken to a small hotel room on the outskirts of town where I was stripped and kissed by dark, hairy men. One of them, Carl, was very gentle and he told me he loved me. The others were very rough. I struggled and told them I was a friend of Mr Bandabaloobi but they continued to kiss my beautiful body - something I’ve imagined but never expected to happen because I’m straight.
Carl drove me back to the airport a few weeks later. He's cool, we've emailed each other since. My mum had to pay for the return flight because there was a problem with my bank but she knows I will pay her back when I get the ten million dollars.
My only regrets are that I missed my meeting with Mr Bandabaloobi, and that I didn’t get to see those African animals that peek up really quick and look around and then pop back down really quick. I can’t remember what they’re called but they’re very similar to those little dogs that live on the prairie. I can’t remember what those ones are called either but they look a little bit like otters. They don’t live in water like otters though, they live on prairies. No, I don’t know what a prairie is.”
