Highlights of South Australia Part 1:
Monarto Zoo

How is it that Victoria and Queensland can even hope to compete for tourism dollars when South Australia is home to THE Montarto Zoo? Featuring a theoretical plethora of wild beasts, sitting on an ex schoolbus with fifty other people as you drive through gates is exactly like being on an actual savana in South Africa.
Monarto Zoo is always coming up with new advertising to get people to visit. The problem is that when people do visit, they come back and tell people that there are no animals there. If I was the manager of Monarto Zoo, I would have photographic, life size cardboard cutouts of animals placed throughout the park and drive the bus too fast for people to notice they are not real. Once word got out that Monarto 'does actually have animals' and people started visiting, we could afford to replace the cardboard animals with animatronic animals.

Monarto Zoo promotional brochure error found:

Promotional Image used.

Actual experience.

In South Australia, we have a wildlife park called 'Monarto Zoological Park' about an hours drive out from the city. My son and I went there thinking we could drive around the park in our car like you see people in the movies do, having a monkey try to pull off one of our side mirrors or Lions lying on our bonnet.

You board a thirty year old schoolbus bus then wait forty minutes for it to fill with people. We were especially lucky to be sitting opposite a mum with a baby that had bright yellow feces leaking out from its diaper.

The bus travels for about ten minutes before stopping to open gates. This happened about twenty times before we saw what was possibly a giraffe lying down. It was too far away to tell wether it was alive and a few children started asking if it was ok so the bus drove on.

The gate system is worth mentioning as it consists of driving up to a gate and pressing a button, the gate rolls open over the space of several minutes and the bus drives through to the next gate and waits for the previous gate to close before opening the gate in front. As this happens at least seventy times, it should be added as a key highlight in promotional brochures.

After another several gates we saw a shed that apparently had a Rhino in it which was quite exciting. We then entered several gates and saw some goats. After an hour and several more gates, we returned to the centre where we could buy stuffed animals made in china.

When his grandma asked him what the best part had been, my son replied "The drive home" which I thought was pretty funny but he wasn't joking.

An African White Rhinocerous
Or possibly a cow.

Black Panther
Or possibly shadow from bush.

Mother and litter of Cheetah Babies
Or complete bullshit.


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