Articles

Using the Mattel® Magic 8 Ball to answer emails

I sent an email to a friend recently, asking several different questions, and he replied with the single answer "Yes, probably." It was obvious that he had either not bothered reading the email or could not be bothered answering my questions.
The next day when he emailed me, I replied using the Mattel® Magic 8 Ball™ to generate the random answers.


  





From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 9.38am
To: David Thorne
Subject: No Subject

Have you got a typeface called Garamond Semibold? I have the Garamond and bold and italic but not the semibold. I am doing a poster for Cathy and I reckon garamond would look good.
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 10.02am
To: Simon Dempsey
Subject: Re: No Subject

As I see it, yes.
From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 10.43am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Garamond

Which one? Yes you have the typeface or that it would look good on a poster?
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 10.52am
To: Simon Dempsey
Subject: Re: Garamond

Concentrate and ask again.
From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 11.14am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Garamond

What the fuck? I need the typeface Garamond. Have you got it or not?
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 11.18am
To: Simon Dempsey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Garamond

You may rely on it.
From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 11.29am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Garamond

Send me the typeface dickhead.
From: Mark Pierce
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 2.08pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Hey

Hey. Are you at work?
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 2.25pm
To: Mark Pierce
Subject: Re: Hey

Signs point to yes.
From: Mark Pierce
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 2.53pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Hey

What? Can you drop over on your way home from work and help me lift a piece of glass up onto a table? It is too heavy to lift.
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 3.22pm
To: Mark Pierce
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Hey

My sources say no.
From: Mark Pierce
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 3.49pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hey

Are you serious? I tried lifting it a bit at a time and sliding books under it but I need heaps more books. Can you come for a quick drive now?
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 4.02pm
To: Mark Pierce
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hey

Ask again later.
From: Mark Pierce
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 4.57pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: ?

Are you going to help me on the way back from work or not?
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 5.16pm
To: Mark Pierce
Subject: Re: ?

It is decidedly so.
From: Mark Pierce
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 5.24pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: ?

Good. Fuck you are annoying sometimes.
From: Justine Murphy
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 8.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Tree frogs ppt

Hi David, you forgot to send the attachment on your last email. Can you send it again please?
Justine
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 8.51pm
To: Justine Murphy
Subject: Re: Tree frogs ppt

You may rely on it.
From: Justine Murphy
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 9.15pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Tree frogs ppt

Ok. Can you resend it to me then please?
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 9.26pm
To: Justine Murphy
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Tree frogs ppt

Without a doubt.
From: Justine Murphy
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 9.44pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Tree frogs ppt

???? Did you attach it?
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 9.51pm
To: Justine Murphy
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Tree frogs ppt

Don't count on it.
From: Justine Murphy
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 10.27pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: ?

Are you fucking with me? Just attachment it ass hat.
From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 11.28pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: No Subject

Are you online?
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 11.37pm
To: Simon Dempsey
Subject: Re: No Subject

Concentrate and ask again.
From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 11.41pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: No Subject

Fuck you.


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