User profile:

December 20th 1967
To win X-Lotto and to get a perfect bowling score
Favourite Colour
Poetry, Watching my Teac television, Crystals, Glass Dolphins, Fleetwood Mac
Max the dog, Terrance the tape worm

My Poetry:
My Gaping Soul
The sadness and the joy are one. The sadness is a cold, frightened mouse. The joy, a song of life. Like the Bon Jovi song where he is at the Grand Canyon.

Always Being There
When my boyfriend Darren was working I would ring him every hour to tell him I loved him. I would visit him at his office bi-hourly. True love is always being there. Why did he have to rescue those children from that forest fire?

My Chair
My chair is near the window. Every day I sit in it. I have venetian blinds so I can see out but people can't see in. If I turn the lights out, I can sit there the whole night and nobody knows I am watching.

Ruffles and Others
I have a cat named ruffles. I have more cats but they are referred to as 'others' as I cannot think of eighteen names.

The photos on the neon backed menu boards at McDonalds never look like the actual product. Except the apple pie. I will have one of those.

About Me

Hello, my name is Joanne. My favourite past-time is practicing laughing in the mirror but I also practice dancing so as to be prepared in case I am out and someone puts Bat out of Hell by Meatloaf on the stereo. I also have all the Fleetwood Mac concerts on VHS and have practiced until I have all of Stevie Nicks moves down pat. I dance for my mother sometimes.
I was raised by my two mothers in a large commune who's ideologies incuded balance with nature, meditation and weaving dolls out of straw. When I was nine I was traded to wandering gypsies for six onions. I graduated primary school in my late teens by 'School of the Air'. As we did not own a CB radio, I took all my lessons by tapping morse code onto nearby electrical wires.
I have a poster of a dolphin in my bedroom and have a picture of a tiger on my quilt. I call the tiger Mishka. Sometimes I lie on my quilt and pat him and tell him about my problems. I enjoy sitting in my favorite chair at the window.

My Ideal Partner

I would like to try one with hair this time. It doesn't matter if they don't have all their teeth, I don't either LOL. My last boyfriend Darren had a wicked sound system in his commodore which was awesome so that would be good. My Datsun has an Audio 4 system that kicks. It has an input plug so that you can play your songs on your iPod through it which is great. I don't own an iPod but if I had a friend with an iPod and they wanted me to drive them somewhere, I would be like "Hey girlfriend, lets play your music on your iPod through my stereo, do you have a N33 adapter cable?" and they would have and we could listen to Keith Urban on the way to Target.


I live really close to the train stop which means I can catch the train to the bus stop that takes me to the tram that takes me to a suburb near the city. Which is really handy because if I knew someone else who lived close to the city we would always be meeting in the city to shop for clothes, drink coffee and talk about Cold Chisel. I have a mobile phone tower in my backyard.

My Ideal Date

Probably something normal like Friday Night Line Dancing at the local pub after a nice meal - either Mcdonalds or Barnacles Bills, I don't mind, I enjoy both red meat and seafood.

Favourite Music

Cold Chisel. I love every album and every song ever released by the Chisels. The Chiz! The depth and, dare I say it, the poetry in Jimmy's musical story telling leaves me breathless. If Jimmy Barnes knew how much I truly understood what he was telling me, he would know that he has found his soul mate and he would get on his Harley davidson motorcycle and come to my place and we would be lovers. Sometimes when Jimmy is singing, it is like he is talking only to me. My favourite is the track that goes 'Kay San, you don't have to put on the red light'. If we were on a beach together we would hold hands and spin in circles and laugh like children.

Favourite Movies

The greatest movie ever made in all time is Pretty Woman. Many people do not get the symbolism in the movie because Julia Roberts did not play her role very well. Sometimes I practice conversations in the mirror and I was in a play once so I would have been much better than her and the relationship between myself and Richard Gere would have been more honest and believable to the viewer. The second best movie ever made is Top Gun. If I had to pick a third best movie ever made, I would have to call it a tie between The Blues Brothers and Dirty Dancing.
If I couldn't marry Jimmy, I would marry Keith Urban and raise wheat on his farm together. Sometimes he would play his guitar and I would sing while I whittled wood.

Favourite Books

I don't read books but I did once listen to a book on tape called 'Flowers in the Attic' by Virginia Andrews. It was great and reminded me a lot of my own life. Listening to a book on tape is like watching television with the brightness turned down and everyone talking in the same voice but is the whole book in 180 minutes which saves a lot of time. Watching television is heaps better. I own a teac television because they are the best. My ex boyfriend Darren bought it for me from Cash Converters. It was ninety dollars but he talked them down to seventy five and got two VHS video's with it - Splash and Cannonball Run.

Favourite Television Shows

My favourite show ever was The Young Ones on Channel 2 and I have styled my hair based on the character Neil. Other shows I love are 'Australian Idol', and 'Rove'. Rove is so funny, I like it when he does other peoples voices, he was a crab in the movie Finding Nemo did you know? It was so sad how his girlfriend died. I once had a boyfriend who I thought died but it turned out he had moved to another suburb with his new girlfriend and thought it would be easier if I was told he had been in a forest fire. 'Friends' is also a great show, everyone on there is just like the friends I would have.

Best Holiday

I'm saving up to go to Bali. Bali is a beautiful and spiritual place and accommodation is very cheap because a lot of villagers drowned to death. Once when I was six my legal guardians took me to the beach and while I was wading, the crab covered corpse of a cruise ship entertainer named Julian washed up on the beach. I hope one of the dead villagers doesn't wash up on the beach while I am relaxing in Bali. Thousands were washed out but I would think that they would have been eaten by crabs and sharks by now which is quite beautiful and spiritual when you think about it. Darren and I used to go crabbing.


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