Sign at the bottom and print your name next to it, please.
Hello, my name is Lucius and I’m probably the best courier in the world. If you have a box and you want it to go somewhere, I'll come and get it and take it there instead of you having to do it yourself. You have to pay for it but it saves you time so it's worth it. I don't think it's much, probably about five dollars. It depends on how many boxes there are and how far they have to go.
Also, it doesn’t matter what kind of box, I delivered a box of bolts once which was really heavy. I’m very strong though. The customer said, “Wow, that box looks heavy.” and I replied, “No, it’s light for me.”
If the tape on the box is the kind you can lift and put back, I have a peek inside. Sometimes there's food in there. I don't eat it though as that would be against the Courier Code. Once, there was a whole box of sandwiches to be delivered to a work function and they wouldn't have noticed if I had eaten one but I didn't. I took a little bit out of each one but that's allowed.



The first pick up and delivery of the day is always the best. I try to guess what colour the box will be.


YES! It was a brown box! I knew it would be a brown box. I definitely have psychotic powers. I've guessed the box would be brown 840 times in a row, which proves my powers are probably the most powerful in the world. I have to keep my powers a secret though as the government would want to control someone as powerful as I probably am. I would have to live my life on the run, never settling down in one place for long. The government would hunt me down and fifty of them would point their guns at me and I would concentrate and the guns would float up in the air or turn into snakes and the men would say, “He is more powerful than we thought possible.”


I delivered the box and the girl in the front foyer signed and printed her name. Her name is Kate and I could tell she thought I was one of the top five best looking guys in Adelaide and wished I was her boyfriend. I told her about my psychotic powers and was going to ask her out but she had to get back to work. I might see her again later today though as the company she works for is a regular client. I’ll write her a poem in my lunch break.
On the way out, I took a couple of photos of her on my camera phone. She looks a bit surprised in the first photo and blurry in the second as she was getting out of her chair as the door closed. I will use the flash next time. It's somewhere in settings. When anyone has a problem with their phone they always get me to fix it because I'm like a computer genius. I‘d probably be the biggest computer genius in the world but I can’t be bothered learning all that stuff.


Stuck in traffic on my way to the next box pickup. I feel it might be brown. I like to listen to music while I'm in traffic and have Arrival, Super Trouper, and Waterloo recorded onto TDK Cassette. When I make the final payment on my delivery van in fourteen years, I’m going to have a CD Player installed.


841! It’s a big box too. Priority pickup from one hospital to another. I should not have looked inside this one. I'll deliver it after I finish my lunch break and sponge wash - I keep a wet sponge and a can of Axe bodyspray in the glove compartment. I might give myself a double dose of Dark Temptation in case I see Kate again this afternoon. I've written her a poem:
Kate by Lucius
I delivered you a box today.
It was brown with clear tape wrapped around it.
I’m in the back of my van looking at photos of you.
Imagining you opening the box.
I don’t know what’s in it because I didn’t look.
The tape was like that when I picked it up.


Just left the hospital. They were quite rude. A nurse said that she was going to ring my boss and I told her, “He might be the boss of me but I'm the boss of my life.” If I were a Transformer she'd be sorry. I took some latex gloves while she wasn't looking and I'm on my way to pick up a box to be delivered to the company that Kate works for.
I have a strong feeling this box will be brown.


842! I had to climb six flights of stairs to collect the box but I'm very fit and athletic as I own a trampoline and do four hours of air running every night. Air running is where you jump really high then run as fast as you can in the air. It’s good for the vascular system and often my neighbours come out to watch me.
I’m on my way to deliver the box to Kate. I can’t wait to see her and I bet she's as excited as I am. I read somewhere that girls like it when you ask them about themselves so, in addition to the poem, I've compiled a list of questions for her to fill out about where she lives and what she does. I gave myself a quadruple dose of Dark Temptation and will stand really close. I also cleaned the van up a bit in case she wants to come for a ride..


I’m on my way back to the depot as my boss rang and said he needs to see me immediately. Probably to give me a raise or promotion.
I delivered the box and Kate loved her poem, I read it out to her and there were tears in her eyes. She couldn’t come for a ride because she was working, but I could tell she wanted to. She asked me my name and then repeated it to someone on the phone so I know she feels the same way I do if she is telling her friends about me. I will buy her lunch tomorrow and surprise her by taking it in and eating it there with her.
I'll say, “Special delivery!” and when she asks what it is, I'll tell her, “Me. And a Subway footlong.”